dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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