I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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