i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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