i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
