Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
this hospital has no fireball
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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