If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
