I've blown a few things in my day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Damn victory sex feels great
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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