Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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