that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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