Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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