Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
