Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
