new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
