hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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