I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
