I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
