So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
