I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
