I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
