I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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