Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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