no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
