Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
