Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
