Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
