i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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