I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
