Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
