Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize