For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
