All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
