I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
