Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
