my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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