Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
