The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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