If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
