I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
