Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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