OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
