it's too hot outside to masturbate.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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