can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
