May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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