The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
