i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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