omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
