i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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