the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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