dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
