As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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