Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just gift wrapped bread.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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