rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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