ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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