i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
