Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
