a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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