she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
