its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
