I'm lost and stupid without you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
