What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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