fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need Xanax blowdarts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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