I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
