I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
