It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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