in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
