I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
