I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
