exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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