Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
