If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
