you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
