Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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