hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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