I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
