dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
