I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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