When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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