just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
