Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
