Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
